Thinking Gray: “Don’t form an opinion about an important matter until you’ve heard all the relevant facts and arguments, or until circumstances force you to form an opinion without access to all the facts” (Sample, 2003, p. 2).

“…while being open and willing to have that opinion change by newly found information” (Chollett, 2020).

The Killing of Two Birds With One Stone

One of the first lessons I was taught upon entering my doctoral program was, “Never be married to your dissertation topic. You will end up heartbroken and you’ll miss opportunities.” I found this to be absurd. How can I NOT be completely obsessed and in love with my topic? I shirked this piece of advice and dove headfirst into what I thought would be my published study. This lesson came back to haunt me, as they do, in the most incredible way.

I sat across from one of the most highly respected professors and educational leaders I had come to know, giving my compelling pitch for the study I had given my life to. The holes were poked straightaway. I learned very quickly that the study topic I had chosen was incredibly vast, saturated, and devoid of any meaningful kind of focus. This was not only a turning point for my study. This was a turning point for my life.

Needless to say, the lesson I was taught was finally learned.

Thinking in the Gray

I had not had a name for what I was experiencing in that moment with my professor. What I did have, however, were two choices: ignore the advice I was being given about other areas to study, or be open to exploring those avenues and see what happens. If I had not approached this feedback I was being given with an open mind and a willingness to evolve, I would have been left with a dead-end study left to succumb to the abyss of dead horses and drowned out like Miss Othmar from Peanuts. I would also be left untransformed and stagnated by my own ego. I cannot imagine being my own obstruction to growth. But more often than not, this is the case for many due to the ever-persistent confirmation bias that leeches to us, warping our worldview to be something of our own version and not one that is potentially real. This further highlights the importance of gray thinking, which is arguably the prerequisite to any meaningful learning experience that makes us more comfortable with being uncomfortable. It is the paradigm that forces us to ask better questions to seek better answers, to stay curious, and to be willing to admit our wrongs.

One could say that gray thinkers are never wrong. Rather, they are ever-changing.

You Cannot Know What You Do Not Know…Right?

The next time you are in a situation where you need to develop an opinion on a matter, pay attention to your initial reaction as objectively as possible. What did you immediately react with? Then, reflect on why you reacted the way you did. Our biases are interwoven into every gut reaction and first thought our body produces. To be curious about ourselves and thoroughly examine this is the true work of a gray thinker. Thinking amidst the binaries may feel like a tug of war, but in actuality it is more of a flow. A dance, if you will. The music may change, the rhythm may quicken, and the steps will no doubt toss you about. But the more practice you get in objectively viewing everything as a learning experience, the more curious you become and the less you try to control the step pattern. The music, then, does not have to be what it is not. There is no concern for rhythm because wherever you are, there you will be. The expectations of needing to win an argument becomes a thirst for understanding and childlike curiosity.

Human experiences are nuanced and deserve exploration.

Much like how you do not realize you are tensing your shoulders until you focus on your shoulders and relax them, or you do not know the fan was blowing white noise into the room until it shut off, you may not be cognizant of your own limited thinking until you explore why you are the way you are.

Different > Wrong

As I continue to apply gray thinking to nearly everything I learn, discuss, and wonder, I am excited at the prospect that we all have our own realities based on our lived experiences, perceptions, and environments. Humans are neat! To want to not only reach a more self-actualized level of yourself (see “Know Thyself Best” for more on this), but to also want to know why people are the way they are, this work can be empowering. Sure, it can feel as though you are in a never-ending cycle of contradiction. However, I like to think that gray thinking frees you from ever needing to lean on anything long enough to apply a contrarian label to it. We are ever-evolving beings who need space to grow. Gray thinking gives you the permission to let go of any ideology for argument’s sake and become lateral with enlightenment.

https://medium.com/kaizen-habits/thinking-in-grey-the-value-of-seeing-the-world-in-shades-of-grey-eac478f84681

Sample, S.B. (2001). The Contrarian's Guide to Leadership.